


can’t afford to lose you

by interstellarbeams



Category: Aladdin (2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Living Together, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-22
Updated: 2019-07-22
Packaged: 2020-07-10 19:40:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19911106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/interstellarbeams/pseuds/interstellarbeams
Summary: Jasmine is suffering with grief and depression but won’t let Aladdin help her through it.





	can’t afford to lose you

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Katie for all the help, as always! And to everyone I complained to about this one. ;)
> 
> I hope this doesn’t come off as naive. I tried my best to make it realistic but I couldn’t write another sad ending. lol
> 
> prompt: aladdin + jasmine — “I’m sorry. I can’t do this anymore.”
> 
> Kudos and comments are appreciated! <3

“I'm sorry. I can't do this anymore.”

The sentence he had been dreading for what felt like months, filtered across the open space and he shut the fridge, turning to face her where she stood, the kitchen island in between them. 

Her dark, curling hair laid on shoulders straight with tension, her purse and a duffle bag hanging off of her arm. The dark gray band tee she wore under an even darker leather jacket seemed to leech the light from the bright apartment and he wondered where the bright-smiled girl he used to know had gone. 

“I know.” He replied, surprising himself with the admission. He didn’t want to let her go but she didn’t provide an explanation or even a compromise, just stood there watching him with brown eyes that used to offer him love and comfort and now only held pain. A pain that he couldn’t make go away, no matter how hard he tried.

“You— _you_ do?” She asked, eyebrows furrowing over tired eyes and he was surprised again, to see uncertainty take over.

She bit her lip, her fingers white on the handle of the overnight bag and he wanted more than anything, to take it from her, to set it out of sight and make believe that everything was okay. 

“Yes.” He stepped closer, the old linoleum creaking under his shifting weight as he moved around the island and crossed into the living area. 

She looked relieved, that he hadn’t tried to dissuade her but also uncertain, her gaze shifting from his to the floor. She didn’t turn to walk towards the door, to leave him — them — behind… maybe she hadn’t really made up her mind. 

“I know how rough these past few months have been on you. You don’t sleep well, you’re always tossing and turning next to me. You don’t eat, not that I can see although I don’t know what you do when you’re not here. It just— It feels like even when you are here, you're not present most of the time.” 

That sent her gaze flying back to his and he knew he had hit a sore spot. He wasn’t trying to hurt her or trying to pick a fight. He was just trying to tell her that he _knew_ her, whether she liked it or not and he knew what she had been through. He just didn’t know how to pull her out of the abyss of grief and depression that she found herself in. 

“I’m trying.” She spoke quietly, the vibrancy that used to light her face when she looked at him as absent as the  
stars over the smoggy, light-polluted city.

“I know. I know you are.”

“Then why are you looking at me like that?” She dropped the bag and her purse to the floor with a muffled thump to shove her hair back with one hand, the strands catching against each other as they cascaded back down. 

“Like what?” He asked, wanting to cross his arms in front of his chest but he didn’t want her to see him become defensive. He didn’t want to fight, he just didn’t understand why she thought leaving him would make a difference. 

“Like, like… I’m breaking your heart.” She dropped her hands to her sides, surprising him with her animated movements. He hadn’t seen her act so spirited in such a long time that he felt his heart jump in his chest. 

“I— I’m sorry. I’m not trying to stop you. You should go, if that’s what you think will help you. I do love you and I want you to do what is best for you...” He turned his head, the framed photo of them happy and smiling hanging on the wall by the door catching his attention. It seemed like an eternity since they had been that carefree and his stomach dropped at the thought of them never being that happy again. 

“But…” She drew out the ending for him, her frown reappearing as she stared at him.

He clasped his hands together in front of him, his fingers slippery with sweat against his palm. He had been dreading this moment just as much as he had the sentence that had started this whole thing. 

“I don’t understand. Why do you think leaving me, leaving your home, is gonna make a difference? I can’t stop my heart from breaking any more than you can stop yourself from grieving. I just, I wish I could help you, but even if you would let me, I’m not a therapist. You can’t just hope and pray that this will go away. You need help. How can you get help when you’re out there? Alone?” He thrust a hand towards the window, where pedestrians could be seen walking down the busy city streets.

“I’ve been alone before. I can do it again.” 

“I know you _can_. That doesn’t mean you should. Where are you going to stay? Who will you talk to? Who will care that you aren’t eating or whether or not you’re safe? Who will watch over you if you start thinking about doing something stupid?”

“I— “ She tucked her hair behind her ear and avoided his eyes again.

“Can’t you just… think it over? Stay again tonight. You can have the bed. I’ll sleep on the couch if that will make you more comfortable. Just— please let me take care of you.”

“I can’t. I can’t allow myself to love you anymore. What if you’re taken away too? Then I won’t have anyone and I’ll be right back here. Heartbroken and in pain. You won’t be able to help me then.” 

Her voice caught and he wanted to cross the space between them and wrap his arms around her but she was still resistant, her hand wrapped around her other arm and her body locked in a prison of pain that he wished he could free her from. 

“I can’t promise that nothing will happen to me. That’s beyond my control.” He sighed, the height of his emotions surprising him as he tried to reassure her despite her fears. He knew she was afraid to lose him, or why would she be trying so hard to push him away, but he couldn’t stop his parent’s’ death no more than she could the death of her mother and most recently her father. He couldn’t promise that but he could…

“But I can promise you that I will love you. I know it’s not the same… everyone dies at some point and even if it doesn’t happen any time soon it still will. We could break up,” He rubbed a finger across his lip, “not that I want that to happen, of course not, but we can’t see the future. No one can.”

Her shoulders relaxed slowly as she looked at him, her frown smoothing out, but her brown eyes were still full of worry and she rubbed a thumb across her jacket sleeve. 

“I’m afraid. I— I can’t imagine my life without you but I’m also scared to mess this up.” 

“I’m afraid too,” he spoke, his voice breaking and he pressed his lips together, his throat tightening from the emotion coursing through him, “I don’t want to lose you either but if you walk out that door… I can’t promise that I'll be here when you need me. I can’t keep holding out hope that you’ll come around. That’s not good for me, either. I love you. I want to be here for you but you have to let me in. You can’t hold yourself at arm’s length anymore.”

He sniffed, ducking his head as the tears that had been threatening slipped past his defenses. He lifted the corner of his shirt to wipe at his face but suddenly she was there, crossing the distance between them as easily and quickly as he had fallen in love with her. 

She pressed her forehead against his, tears running down her cheeks, her hands on either side of his neck as she held onto him, i’m sorry’s tumbling from her lips. 

He allowed himself to pull her closer, refusing to let their emotional distance separate him from her anymore. 

“It’s okay.” He tried to reassure her, rubbing his thumb along her waist, her t-shirt soft underneath his hands.

“No, it’s not. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I was trying to run away. I’m sorry that I’ve kept you at a distance. I just—“ her voice caught again, “I miss him so much. And I don’t know how to deal with it. I feel so sad and angry and I— I don’t want to lose you too.” 

“I know, I know.” He hushed her as he wrapped his arms tighter around her and brought her into his chest, the scent of her long hair lingering around them.

She shuddered in his arms as she cried and he felt his heart breaking all over again at the pitiful sound. Her hot breath pressed uncomfortably against his neck but he ignored it, only wanting to comfort her and be there for her, no matter what it cost him.

“I’m still here. I’ve got you.” He tried to reassure her with his words, holding her up with sentiments like he supported her through her tears. 

After a few moments, she pulled back, her face streaked with tears but she didn’t let him go, didn’t cross the floor to pick up her discarded luggage. She stood there watching him and he didn’t know what to do or say. He didn’t want to beg her to stay because he trusted her and her choice to decide for herself but he didn’t want to let her go either. She was like oxygen to him and without her, he couldn’t go on. 

She sniffed loudly, looking around for something to wipe her face with. He turned his head back towards the kitchen island but there wasn’t a napkin, tissue or paper towel in sight. He almost felt like laughing, because of course there was nothing there when he needed it, but he didn’t want her to think he was laughing at her so he lifted a hand to her cheek and brushed the tears away with his thumb.

Her brown eyes watched him seriously but he couldn’t lift his eyes from her cheek, afraid to see rejection or regret there. The duffel bag that she had dumped on the floor still teasing at the corner of his vision, a reminder that she was ready to leave him behind. 

Her fingers rested on the back of his neck and he struggled not to shiver at her touch, the closeness of her body recalling many happier embraces. He dared not hope that she would stay, her words from earlier playing over and over in his head like a disheartening mantra. 

“You don’t have to take the couch.” She spoke quietly, surprising him, the hint of a smile that had been absent for so long, that he had almost forgotten the joy of it, peeping at the corner of her mouth. 

“Are you sure?” He asked, barely daring to hope that she meant it.

“Yes, I can’t afford to lose you.”


End file.
